Let Us Now Praise Famous Men … Good morning, uh, I mean good evening. See, this world so messed up right now, I don’t even know what time it is …
Maybe I oughta just go back to what we always said in the sixties: It’s Nation Time. Time for rich folks and whites folks, and especially rich, white folks to stop messing with us…
Don’t start frowning, I know y’all gon’ mess with us a little while longer. But remember, we clean your house — we got keys. We wash your clothes — we know where you been and what you been doing when you wasn’t spoze to be doing it. We wash your car — we know what’s in the ash tray, glove compartment and under the seats. We cook your food … You may want to be nice to us. Just saying …
Anyhow, been thinking about a few things lately in light of what’s been going on. You know famous people and leaders and all.
First off: If you gonna govern this country by meat clever, sooner of later, you gon’ be missing some fingers, or your whole damn hand. And you might wanna buy some steel-toed boots …
If your favorite way to communicate is Twitter, you might wanna learn to read — and spell.
And, can you believe it? One Senator called our President a fraud the other day. That’s not right, or as his administrative team might say, “alternate facts.” The man ain’t no fraud. He told us and showed us exactly what he was before the election.
He didn’t deceive us. We knew he didn’t exactly play straight with the truth. There are alternative truths, you know, depending on what your game is. But folks keep wantin’ to believe the package ain’t the man.
Shame on us! Can’t blame him for that.
THE BIG GAME
Speaking of game. Did you exhale, or want to go somewhere and choke yourself to death after that Super Bowl?
As my friend, Sam, used to say, I didn’t know whether to poop — or wind my watch. I ain’t never seen nothing like it in all my days. And I been here a lot of ’em. Whew-wee!
Why was it Super Bowl LI? Why can’t we just say Super Bowl 51? Houston ain’t Rome! Why we use Roman Numerals? Ain’t this America, and ain’t it great again?
Now, I been to Rome many times. Great, great city. Gotta be great, ’cause that’s where the Big Man lives — The Pope.
And I’ll tell you this current pope is the greatest pope we ever had, barring none. And I’ll tell you why: He’s the coolest pope to ever walk the earth.
The man got style and he’s approachable as all get-out. He’ll talk to anybody; just get out of that funny car and walk through crowds, shake hands. You know he believes in The Almighty; he ain’t scared of nothing. You hear me, nothing.
I’ve played a lot of venues in Rome, but they always turn me down at The Vatican. Man, I’d love to play The Vatican — have them Cardinals rolling on the floor. But I’m gon’ try again next year. You gotta have faith; you never know.
But, you know something I think about every time I see The Pope riding in that funny little car? Why don’t he take that thing to “Pimp My Ride?” That would be great. Them brothers would have that thang so fly, Snoop would wanna be his wheel man.
Put some of them Sprewell, spinning rims on it; a vinyl top and blacked-out windows; TV antenna in the back, and the grill from a Chrysler 300. Whew-wee! Hell, I’d volunteer to be his chauffeur. Don’t laugh! I might be older than Betty White, but I still got my license…
But getting back to that game. That so-called Super game. I just got three things to say on that: 1. People say you can’t teach an old dog knew tricks. But the thing is, them old tricks he already knows may be just enough (Tom Brady.)
2.Why is it, when you see a man of very few words, he’s also a man of very few smiles (see Belichick.) I just don’t get him. His shorts must be too tight — or something. You see that uncomfortable look on his face all the time?
The man just won the Super Bowl, and what is he doing? Complaining that since his team had to spend the previous two weeks preparing for the Super Bowl, they now several days behind the other NFL teams in making off-season preparations for next season. Is he serious?
Well, of course, the man is always serious. Let’s see: Those other teams didn’t make it to the Super Bowl, right? I betcha every one of them would give up five first-round draft picks just to trade places with him, and still think they got the better deal.
For some people, the Bowl is always empty.
3.Everybody in the Known World, including in Rome, knows you don’t run out of gas during the most important football game of the year, possibly of your whole life.
You take your damn gas witcha! I’m through with that.
I guess I’m not.
I coulda kicked the gas out a few folks at the end of that game, but they wouldn’t let me down on the sidelines.
Enough! But here’s a tip for some of you young bucks out there. I can look you in the eyes and know whatcha into. Remember now; Be careful what house you break into in the dark: It might be your own. Or mine. And I got something for ya. Believe that!
I was trying to drop the mic, but the damn thing fell on my foot.
Aw’ight, aw’ight … I may be limping, but I’m outta here …